At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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