apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
