They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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