I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
