i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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