look no pants
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
