In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
