I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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