he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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