I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
