I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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