I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
