I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
