I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
