I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
