Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
