He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
