at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
