My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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