So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize