he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
