'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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