I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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