yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize