I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's get the cat blown out
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
