bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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