His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
