saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
love makes seman taste better
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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