i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
