How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
