she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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