I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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