R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
