the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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