I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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