when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
