I feel like abortions should bother me more
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How's work?
Spinning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
