She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
