end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
