Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
