By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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