I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
