god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
