spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
