there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
