Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
