There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
