Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
