First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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