i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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