i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She bit a glass in half.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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