Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
