how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
