I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
