It's Friday. Sex?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
