my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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