wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
