Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
