I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
