its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
