I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Someone shattered a urinal.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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