It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
