i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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