Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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