You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
