I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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