I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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