it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
FUCK WHALES
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