i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think people are normalizing furries
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
