everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
