My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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