Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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