I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
