There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
