I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
