We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
