I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
