im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
