When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
